She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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