there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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