Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
