I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
