Non-Jews are for practice
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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