I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We got so high we made milksteak
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
