Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
