Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
