Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
