I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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