So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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