My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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