I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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