bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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