i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
