i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
