You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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