omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
