mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
