So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
