Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
