Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
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did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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