i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
