Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
