someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
