watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
