Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
