hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈