Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.