Texts From Last Night

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  (243): View more from

  the bitch is dead man

  (1-243): View more from

  YOUR DOG DIED?

  (243): View more from

  no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.

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  (243): the bitch is dead man (1-243): YOUR DOG DIED? (243): no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon. http://tfl.nu/0e8d
  Replies (3) Good night (1324) Bad night (579)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her

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  (504): My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her http://tfl.nu/2ej3
  Replies (35) Good night (575) Bad night (3788)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

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  (419): The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/0i2s
  Replies (25) Good night (4476) Bad night (1371)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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  (775): they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it. http://tfl.nu/g3nc
  Replies (19) Good night (5853) Bad night (774)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.

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  (513): After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God. http://tfl.nu/onhi
  Replies (16) Good night (3112) Bad night (1440)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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  (847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6
  Replies (23) Good night (7807) Bad night (1199)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

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  (248): To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet.... http://tfl.nu/cx4o
  Replies (5) Good night (5086) Bad night (870)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.

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  (716): You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy. http://tfl.nu/mzkt
  Replies (9) Good night (3089) Bad night (980)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name

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  (910): I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name http://tfl.nu/jjfc
  Replies (3) Good night (2306) Bad night (730)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

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  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (4003) Bad night (1684)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless

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  (774): Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless http://tfl.nu/p1o5
  Replies (4) Good night (1790) Bad night (615)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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  (907): his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord http://tfl.nu/yjwk
  Replies (6) Good night (1233) Bad night (532)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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  (734): Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on. http://tfl.nu/8pzz
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (334)
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  (760): View more from California

  You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker

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  (760): You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker http://tfl.nu/zuvx
  Replies (3) Good night (1016) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

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  (202): She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising. http://tfl.nu/7jp1
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (151)

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