I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking