I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
