and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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