you have to choose: penises or morals?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
