there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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