I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
