Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
