ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
