Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
