Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize