I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
