Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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