Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
