i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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