Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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