Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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