Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
