I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
