I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have post one night stand depression
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