Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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