im six kinds of drunk right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
