Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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