And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
