Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
