i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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