i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she smelled like a LAN party
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
