i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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