I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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