I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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