Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
