Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
