just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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