Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
