Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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