Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
