I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you had me at cake vodka
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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