this just has baby written all over it
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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