true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to cum in my sink.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
