Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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