sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
