Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize