just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
