Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
