Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
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