so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
