I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
