We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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