Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize