So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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