You're my little dorito
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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