put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
