I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
