God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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