if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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